By Amber Michelle K.
myaru@etherealvoid.net

Short notes: 'Koukyuu' the word for harem; and although it should be obvious, 'Saihitei' is Hotohori's name. Also, note that Mei is a 'harem girl', so to speak - she grew up in the place, and there's always a certain attitude that goes along with that kind of upbringing.

"Mei~! You can't do this! It's against the rules!"

Mei rolled her eyes, hoisting herself over the windowsill and somersaulting onto the ground. "What rules?" She shivered, rubbing her arms and brushing dew from her silks. "Don't bother me with that - they don't really care, you know."

The maid leaned out the window, exasperation tinging her features. "Someday you're really going to get it, you know? They don't care who your relatives are when you're in the koukyuu - haven't you figured that out yet?"

"Could you just throw the blanket down, please?" The maid disappeared from the window, and Mei sighed, twisting her mouth around. Every time she tried to leave the koukyuu she got the same lecture; it irritated her to no end. She wasn't a wife; She wasn't a concubine. And she wasn't up for marriage either, so she didn't see why she should have to suffer from the same rules as all of the women swooning after Saihitei.

Besides....... he never got mad at her for doing this. And he was the final authority, right?

"Here." There was a white blur, and a mass of heavy, fine-spun wool hit her in the face. "But be careful Mei! Don't blame us if you get in trouble this time. I warned you."

Yeah, yeah, of course. Who was going to get in trouble? She just wanted to go sit by the lake for awhile; no one ever went there this time of night, and those who did weren't important enough to get her in trouble over being there. Even Saihitei wouldn't be in the pavilion this late - she'd have it all to herself!

Finally, some peace, quiet, and privacy.

************

The western pavilion gleamed in the moonlight; the smooth woods and lacquered columns glinted like glass, and their reflection in the lake was a blurred color masterpiece. It was almost like looking at the sculptures in the koukyuu garden, only this work of art filled her eyes, and there was no babble in the background to disturb her vision, or her concentration.

Unfortunately, it was occupied.

Mei shivered as she huddled down amidst the dewed grass, clutching the blanket around her shoulders as tightly as she could manage without ripping it to shreds. She could have sworn the temperature had dropped to freezing since she'd been out there! But of course, she wasn't nearly as conceited as her cousin - she didn't think the world revolved completely around her. While it seemed to be endearing to others when he decided to be narcissistic, she would have been smacked for her trouble.

It would have been nice if the weather had accommodated her just this one night, however. She was determined not to return to her rooms and the other women until sunrise, at least; and that meant, unfortunately, that she would have to stay outside. The cook had already thrown her out of the kitchen, and going into the palace proper would be just asking for trouble......

She sighed, glaring half-heartedly at the figure in the pavilion. Why did you have to choose now to come out, Hori-chan?

He turned, as if hearing his name spoken in her head. But it was only to look out across the garden to the palace - she thought. It was hard to tell in the darkness, but he didn't seem to be himself. She couldn't recall a time when he hadn't been depressive, but the look in his eyes...... Or maybe it was just the way he was leaning on the rail, so his hair fell over his face, and she could barely see the glitter of his eyes......

He was even beautiful in the moonlight. Mei fingered her hair self-consciously as she gazed at him, wishing idly that it could be like his; his was so perfect, always falling just right, never tangling....... Even when he was sad, it.......

You're so stupid, Mei! She pressed her forehead into the wet grass, pulling the blanket over her head in embarrassment. I've been listening in on the girls way, way too long. How pathetic. Any minute she was going to start swooning whenever Saihitei looked in her direction. Then she'd be an idiot like the rest of the women she was forced to live with.

Saihitei...... She remembered a time when she had just known him as 'Hori-chan'...... She had had a crush on him, way back then...... But she hadn't ever been stupid enough to sit and stare at him like this when he didn't know he had company. She'd die before that! Especially if he found out! She'd never hear the end of it, certainly not from him. Even he had a sense of humor.

Very quietly, Mei started to slide away from the pavilion, squirming through the high grass along the lake shore, and hoping desperately that she wouldn't fall too far to the side and get wet. The blanket twined around her legs, edges already soaking, and she stopped to kick it out of her way. Too close...... She squirmed away from the marshy soil of the shore, trying vainly to refrain from rustling the grass. He seemed not to notice....... A twig snapped beneath her legs and she froze, shrinking down into the grasses.

Saihitei's head rose abruptly, his contemplation broken. "Who's there?"

She cringed at the sound of his soft baritone, sinking further into the grass and pulling the blanket over her head again in a futile attempt to hide from his sharpening gaze. "Saaaaa......." It didn't help that she had twisted the blanket over her, leaving the grass bare.

"Who -" He seemed to pause. Then - "Is that you, Mei-chan?" The amusement layering his voice only made her shrink down further. "I can see you....... you might as well come out."

She shuffled to her feet, huddling into the blanket and praying she didn't have grass in her hair. I really am stupid...... She waved to him with a toothy smile, trying her best to look innocent. Not that it would make a difference; he didn't sound angry, and she knew he was smart enough to figure out what she was doing there. But if he decided to give her a lecture, so help her, she would.......

He raised an eyebrow and she giggled nervously. "Just...... walking by, Hori-chan......" She started to walk across the lawn, toward the path, veering away from the pavilion. "I really have to get back now, so......"

He smiled, softly, and turned back to his contemplation of the water. "You can stay, Mei-chan - it would be nice to have someone to talk with. But, if you wish to return to the koukyuu......"

"No!" Mei exclaimed, leaping over the border of the path hurriedly. "No, I don't want to go back there." She shrugged in embarrassment. "It's become a hell in there. I'd stay away for awhile, if I were you."

"Oh......?" He smiled his gentle smile again, propping his chin on his fists as he stared into the lake's reflections. "You should have been born a man, Mei." An elegant sort of amusement permeated the words. "It's no wonder you don't get along with anyone...... You're too headstrong. You never conform."

"Korin doesn't mind."

"Lady Korin is concerned only with her competition, or so I've heard." He shrugged, straightening. But his eyes, golden and shining in the moonlight, were haunted; something she had said? He had looked so sad when she had come out...... maybe she had brought something unpleasant back? "She...... would have pleased Mother, I think. But I don't think she's quite as intimidating."

"So you think." Mei rolled her eyes, but he didn't respond. Moutaikou...... thank Suzaku she's dead. Even Korin couldn't be like her. It was terrible, to think such things...... but there were some people...... Some people were meant to be hated. "But she doesn't yell at me, and that's all I care about. I think it's because I know you." She poked his shoulder teasingly. "I have connections."

The comment drew another, fainter smile from him, though his eyes never left their contemplation of the water below their feet. He had noticed, at least. She hated to be ignored...... And it irked her that Korin did consider her beneath notice. Was that what Saihitei thought of her too? Someone unimportant, beneath notice? Just because she wasn't a wife, or concubine?

What did family mean, anyway? They had grown up in a harem permeated with ambition and deadly rivalries. He wasn't even a full son, technically...... His mother had just been ruthless, and unearthly lucky. Looking back, Mei couldn't remember one instance in which his mother had so much as noticed him, until she put him on the throne. Never once had she ever been known to hug him, or smile at him, or say anything remotely motherly......

It had been Mei's mother who had taken care of him. She was of an even lower class than Moutaikou, or had been rather, but that hadn't stopped her from caring for Saihitei, no matter that he was a rival. It was, she maintained, the only thing that had saved him from becoming a monster like his mother.

But Mei liked to think that he had been born this way...... she didn't think there was a cruel or uncaring bone in his body. Has to be the symbol.

"Mei......"

Her eyes snapped back to Saihitei, concern worming into her gaze. He really seemed...... different. Depressed, or thoughtful, or both, maybe. And still lonely. He wore it like a mantle, always surrounded by it...... and no one could seem to fill it, or reach through it. Not even her - and Suzaku knew she had tried. What use was it, dedicating her faith to the god of love, when nothing ever came of it?

"Mei......" He kept his eyes averted. "What do you think of Suzaku no Miko?"

She blinked. Suzaku no Miko? What does she have to do with this? Not that the conversation had been deep or philosophical, but it was a surprising jump, at least to her. Maybe it shouldn't have been. "Suzaku no Miko?" Think, Mei. Pay attention! "Well, I......" She shrugged, mind completely blank. "She's a nice girl. A little silly, but likable. Why?"

He seemed to hesitate. "I've heard of conflict within the koukyuu regarding her position in the court...... Korin seems to be at the heart of it, but she is not without power."

"What...... are you thinking of supporters?" She shrugged. "I like her. I think most of the women like her, or at least don't care. Lady Korin's clique isn't that big. Don't worry about her." Though why Suzaku no Miko would need supporters within the koukyuu was.......

Was......

"You...... like her, Saihitei?" Mei struggled to keep her voice neutral, a sinking, unpleasant feeling in the pit of her stomach. "All that talk about the Left wishing you to get married......." She fell silent, extremely reluctant to voice her suspicions, though she didn't understand why.

"I've never met anyone quite like her...... It's hard to describe, even to myself." He glanced at her over his shoulder, eyes glittering through silken strands of hair. "It's silly, I know. I've hardly met her, and already I feel as if I....... as if I could spend a lifetime with her." He seemed to smile, the same aura of sadness painting the expression blue. "I feel as if I have known her for a lifetime."

She blinked, wordless. Why does this bother me? I should be happy he's found someone he can love. She knew, beyond a doubt, that that was what he meant. It was obvious by the way he spoke of her; not just the words, but the look in his eyes, and his voice...... as if he had found something to fill his void. It had struck her the moment she started speaking with him, though only now had she noticed...... and she wished it was still a mystery to her.

He hadn't confided in her like this in years. Why did it have to be now, concerning something so important to him, that she just wanted to turn around and run away?

"You always used to wish she would come, didn't you?" Mei forced the words out, relieved beyond measure when they came out sounding normal - at least to her ears. "I thought so, anyway. I used to know you very well...... and every thought that went through that head of yours." She tried to smile, tapping her temples as she would have done to him, if she could touch him. But he was too far away, and a woman of her station shouldn't have been in his presence, much less sharing a conversation with him.

"Or you always thought you did." Again, he was amused; but it was a fleeting blessing. "And maybe you were right." He shifted his gaze, staring out across the water to the building housing his rooms, and those of his ministry. It was his garden, his pavilion, that she was standing on. "Do you think my mother would approve, Mei? Or Father?"

She shrugged. Who knew, with fathers? Theirs, in particular....... "I think he'd be happy to know you had spoken to a girl at all, no matter who it was. You're too withdrawn......" Mei sighed. She hated sounding like the old men he always seemed to drag around. "I don't really know about Moutaikou. And I'm sorry, Saihitei, but I don't really care. You shouldn't either."

"No......?" He sighed softly, the word barely a whisper. "She was my mother, Mei. How can I not care?"

"She didn't." The minute the words left her mouth, Mei felt bad; the spasm was just a flicker across his face, but it spoke volumes to her. "I'm sorry......"

"I know she didn't care." His fingers traced the carvings on the rail, leaving slender trails in the moisture that had gathered on the lacquered wood. He turned his head, and a solid wall of hair blocked his face from her view. "I never did learn what it was she wanted from me...... but I know it was not me..

"I used to dream about the day Suzaku no Miko would come...... especially after she sent you away, Mei. I had no one to talk to, or confide in...... no one my age I was allowed to see." Bitterness, ever so slight, tinged those words, but receded in an instant. "I hoped that when the prophecy was fulfilled, I would finally have someone who would care for me....... who would see me as a person, not a pawn. Someone who might even love me."

I love you, Hori-chan. She wished she could say it; but it would be wrong, now, to utter a word. Even if she didn't mean it in that way. Or rather, if she wasn't supposed to mean it that way. She wasn't sure anymore. But he loved Suzaku no Miko, and even if she had wanted to, she wouldn't try to make a place for herself. It would be ridiculous......

"I think she might love you, Saihitei......" Mei forced another smile onto her face, lowering her eyes to the floorboards, and her bright slippers. "How could anyone not love you?"

A soft laugh seemed to break the spell he was weaving around her. "Yes...... with my charm, and wit, even a woman like Mother would not be able to resist me." Mei coughed, covering her eyes with her hands. A rustle of fabric and another laugh made her remove them. "I'm joking, Mei. Just joking." The smile in his eyes faded away, though, leaving the dull glint of depression behind.

"Saihitei......"

"She's in love with Tamahome." Another laugh, this one bitter. Such a strange sound, coming from him. "I hope...... but I can see that she cannot help herself. What can I do? I've told her how I feel...... Nothing else can be done but to wait."

Mei stood silently, unsure what to tell him. He didn't know women very well...... not women like Suzaku no Miko. And truthfully, neither did she. There had never been anything like Miaka-sama in the koukyuu during their lifetime, that she knew of. The girl was so odd, in some ways...... nothing like the women that she knew. Nothing like anything she had ever seen. It was hard not to like her - she could see what had caught Saihitei's eye so quickly. Although she wished otherwise, she thought she could understand exactly why he loved her.

Suzaku no Miko was the embodiment of everything he had wished for as a child, everything he desired. The dream was so strong...... she wondered if he actually loved Miaka-sama, or the dream more.

"Well, now you know......." He raised a cultured eyebrow, and she shrugged. "You're nothing like your mother. She wouldn't wait, she wouldn't care what Suzaku no Miko thought....." If she would have allowed you to get married, that is. She wouldn't want another woman to control you, now would she? Mei sighed. I'm glad she's dead. For his sake, if no one else's. "You can be happy, Saihitei. I'm sure Miko-sama will notice you."

"It's okay, Mei." His fingers closed around the rail, and he leaned into it, staring across the lake once again, to the dim glow of lights and wabashi screens. "Thank you for allowing me to confide in you again. It means more than you know."

She nodded, sure he would notice the movement. It didn't feel so bad, now; she had helped him, and that was all she had ever wanted to do. At least he felt a little better. She couldn't imagine that he had anyone to talk to even now, with the legendary seishi beginning to appear. The friendships were still new....... and she got the feeling he wouldn't speak of it, even if they did become close friends.

What a lonely existence it must have been, to be Saihitei.

Mei bowed, biting her lip. "I have to get back to the koukyuu, Saihitei......."

He nodded, shifting his eyes to her for a moment. "I understand. Good night, Mei-chan. Be watchful......"

She favored him with a small smile, before turning her back on the pavilion and hurrying down the path. It would take her the long way back to her room, but she didn't care. She needed time to think - and to cry. For him.

************

Author's note: The story, for those interested, takes place during an early episode, after a certain scene - the very one in which Hotohori leaves Miaka in his room after proposing to her. This is very likely full of inaccuracies with "Suzaku Hi Den" (Hotohori's novel), but since I don't have access to the story, or even a complete translation of it, I could only do my best. And actually, this probably isn't the best story I've ever written - I've never done anything like this with Fushigi Yuugi or Hotohori..... considering that, this is probably a one-time thing. I hope I haven't butchered anything too much...... or offended anyone with a terrible story. ^^ Gomen nasai.

Fushigi Yuugi and all characters contained therein are the property of Yuu Watase, and Flower Comics (and any other companies who have rights to it). I take no credit for creating them. I created this very unlikely original "storyline", and the character of Mei. Please don't sue me! (I have no money anyway. I can't even afford to go to school. ^^)